2010
01.27

Me, Mona and DaVinci

I love art.

So needless to say I was very excited when I showed up for my visit with Mona Lisa and she was sitting in Leonardo DaVinci’s studio! I walked quietly in, took a seat in the back and started digging into my second pint of Mocha Almond Fudge.

Mona looked happy. She had a big smile on her face and was chatting up Leo. After a moment I waved from the back — just to let her know I was here.

“Yo Mona!,” I said, “Looking good!…just wanted to say hi, don’t let me interrupt!”

Well the next thing I knew she got all bitchy telling me she thought I was coming on Tuesday and it was only Friday and blah, blah, blah, I’d heard it all before.

I calmly told her I had a cancellation due to an unexpected pregnancy so I got here early. “Just relax,” I told her, “have some chips.” (I always like to bring plenty of reserve snacks for my clients.)

She said she had big plans for the weekend. Her and DaVinci were finally getting serious and planning a big romantic getaway and now that I showed up everything was ruined.

Whatever. Like I said, heard it all before, Sister. Then I gave her a huge cramp just to remind her who had the power. (Yes, I use my powers when necessary.)

Anyway, that big toothy grin quickly disappeared. That’s when Leo got really pissed. He asked me to leave and I explained that rescheduling was not an option. After a heated discussion on woman’s physiology with Mr. Genius Inventor, he picked up his easel and hit me over the head with it. Renaissance Man? I don’t think so. (See, this is why my health care premiums keep going up.)

While I was around he never could get that big smile out of her again and decided to paint her anyway. I actually think that’s a good thing. I have serious doubts that painting would have ever been a masterpiece without me there.

Mona had a big sugar addiction and rarely brushed and this was way before fluoride and floss. Her teeth were pretty scary.

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